Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
God, I missed his penis.
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