i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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