To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
