I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
