Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize