suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
