so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
