To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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