before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
