You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
