He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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