I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
