I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
