she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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