I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
