If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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