if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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