My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
