her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize