At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
