Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
