You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
