She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
