just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
