Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
