I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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