and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
