I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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