dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
