my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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