Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize