apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
