So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
found the other keg... it's in the tree
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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