he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
