we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
