this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
