If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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