On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
