I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
