My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
