she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize