FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
