Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
