"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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