I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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