Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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