: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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