you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
