I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
