Your face is a jimmy john
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
