I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
