saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize