first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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