i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
