i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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