just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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