All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
