I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
