I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck appropriateness.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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