I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
