I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
