to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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