I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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