and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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