Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
