You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
