do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
