So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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