I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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