I'm so fucking centered right now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
