tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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