You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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