I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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