Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
