You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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