singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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